Happiness Factor: Being Right Instead Of Happy
In the book of 1 Corinthians 13:11 we read, “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” When I was a young child I had a concept that I was quite an intelligent person, this was reinforced by teachers and my parents and to some degree my peers (I would say friends but I was somewhat socially inept). This feeling evolved into a need to always present myself as the “smartest guy in the room,” this ultimately led to a number of debates in which I would attempt to disprove anyone with a differing opinion and convert them to my way of thinking. As anyone who has attempted this has noticed, it doesn’t really work out that way, and usually your “adversary” becomes even firmly more entrenched in their version of what is correct.
As I grew older I found myself becoming a much more socially capable person, but the constant need to be right continued as a pattern in my life, to the degree that I alienated a number of people due to my “cleverness” which was in fact insecurity poorly disguised. It was at this time in my life that I came across a passage that changed how I look at everything. I can’t recall how I found it (or should I say it found me) but it goes along these lines, “you can be happy, or you can be right, but you cannot be both.” It was a very eye opening thing for me, and at that point I decided to “put away childish things” and end this quest that I had to always be right. It was a difficult thing to begin doing, and it remains something that I constantly have to be vigilant about, but the difference in my life was almost immediate, there was a weight lifted off of every conversation, there was much more acceptance from myself as to other people and their opinions, it was remarkable, especially in my relationship with my wife. She didn’t know what to do with me at first; suddenly I was a much more pleasant person and to cap it off I had a measure of peace in my life that I hadn’t had in years, it’s so interesting how quickly everything changed for me at that point.
Giving up the need to be right is one of the first steps I believe that anyone needs to take to find the happiness that is inside you. This does not mean you agree with everything that anybody says but you accept someone’s opinion as that and if you feel it necessary to share your opinion you may consider doing it in a way that stresses that you are just looking to discuss, and not convert. I have found that when there is a discussion going on that involves varying opinions on a topic I feel strongly about if I preface my thoughts with, “Now this is just my opinion.” It opens up the conversation in a way that makes it much easier to converse about the topic at hand. If you find someone is getting retaliatory in a conversation, it is okay to end the conversation before it escalates, just say, “I am interested in sharing ideas, I have no desire to convert you to my way of thinking, if that is your purpose this conversation will have to stop, but if you are okay with a free exchange of ideas without passing judgment by all means let’s continue.” Most people will be baffled at that sort of straight forward talk, but it should either keep the conversation going along smoothly, or stop the conversation before it becomes a battle of who’s right. Just give it a try when sharing your opinion, don’t state everything you believe as though it were fact and the other party is deluded. Just share an opinion and take the time to listen to what the other person is saying. More often than not you will find that you are in at least some degree of agreement which helps everyone involved to feel more comfortable.
Filed under Self Improvement and Mastery | Tags: contentment, get happy now, happiness, happy life, inner peace, self improvement | Comment (0)Start from the inside
Take a look around you, look out a window if you can. Pay attention to all the things going on around you, look at the cars , the trees, maybe look at your child, who is vying for your attention in an unpleasant way. Look at these things, and read the following statement, “None of what you see is what determines your happiness”
None of it, happiness does not come from the things around you, it does not come from money, or well behaved children, or spare time, or a new boat, happiness does not come from any of these things, but our happiness is often determined by how we feel about these things, which is a whole different story altogether.
You may say, that it’s not true, how can I be happy if this or that is going on in the world? My question to you is, how would you feel if you did not know about it? You see whatever it is would still be happening, but your awareness would be different, so we can see, that the external event is not what makes us happy or unhappy, but it’s how we process that event.
Really stop and think about this, everything that we feel is a result of how we process the world around us, it is not a result of the world around us, when we decide to let the world be the world, and to control our own destiny, then we are able to make great strides, expecting the world to change to match your beliefs will never frustrate the world, but it will frustrate you.
It’s a very simple thing to control our thoughts, it’s not terribly easy, but it is very simple.
Filed under Self Improvement and Mastery | Tags: contentment, enthusiasm, get happy now, happiness, happy life, inner peace, long term success, love, positive reinforcement, self improvement | Comment (0)How To Get What You Really Want
When you are taking a picture, even in the age of digital cameras and auto-adjustments something has to happen before a clear photograph can be taken, when taking a picture, to get what you really want, you have to focus the camera. This is more than just pointing the camera in the general direction of what you want and hitting the button, you have to find what you are looking for, center on it, focus, and then snap your picture.
Life is no different, to get what you really want you have to do the same things, and getting what you really want is no more complicated then taking a picture, and you essentially just have to follow the very same steps;
1- Find out what you want- just like taking a picture you need to know what you want, you need to know exactly what you want, down to the smallest detail. You need to know what it looks like and most importantly you need to know what it feels like to already have what you want. And you do this by the process of visualization which is just ahead of us.
2- Center on it- You need to carry the image of what you want in the center of your thoughts, when something contrary to what you want enters the picture you need to let it pass right by and then re center your thoughts on what you want.
3- Focus- This is the key, once you have the image, and you have it in your mind you need to focus the image through visualization. In simple terms you make the image in your mind as sharp and bright and colorful as possible and you start to imagine yourself as having achieved whatever it is you really want, this needs to happen in order for you to get what you really want.
4- Take action- Just as a camera won’t take a picture unless you push the button, the things that you want will not magically appear in front of you if you don’t take positive steps towards their achievement, they don’t have to be huge steps, most great things are accomplished through “baby steps” and that is how you will get what it is you really want. When asked how he created something as perfect as the statue of David from a single block of marble Michelangelo is reported to have said something along the lines of “It is easy, you just chip away the stone that doesn’t look like David.” Great artworks and great accomplishments are not created overnight, they are created by chipping away until you have your dream in front of you.
There are many ways to get what you really want, and all of these involve focus, and concentrated effort to make your dream come true. Go ahead, give it a try, and make your dreams come true!
Filed under Self Improvement and Mastery | Tags: contentment, get happy now, happiness, happy life, inner peace, long term success, peace, self improvement | Comment (0)Get Happy Now! How enthusiasm can change your life.
Do you remember when you were just a small child? Of course you do, we all do, but what do you remember the most? For many of us the most vivid memories we have are from the times that we did something that we were excited about, like our first trip to Disneyland, or even the first time our parents took us out to eat. There’s a reason that these memories stand out in such a vibrant way, and that is because our memories are stronger when the emotion we attached to that memory is strong. (this is also the reason that negative memories are so vivid as well, but we can talk about that another time)
So what makes enthusiasm so powerful? Why does it stick with us when so few things do? Enthusiasm is one of the highest levels of euphoria that we know of, when we are enthused about something we are not merely excited, it’s almost as though our whole body tingles with expectation. These are the times when you feel like you can’t wait a minute more. And the best part is when we are enthused about something we are never let down, it may not be exactly what we thought it would be, but the electricity we feel about it carries us through to almost always having a positive result.
How can we use enthusiasm to get happy now? It’s not difficult, we simply tap into our memories of enthusiasm and attach those same feelings to everyday situations, you may not feel as enthusiastic about doing a presentation for work, but maybe you can set up a reward for yourself when the presentation is complete, and get excited about the presentation because the reward awaits you at the end of the experience.
You could also simply just choose to be enthusiastic about life, and be grateful for every day you have, I heard a quote once from somebody that said “a good day is one where I am on 2 feet above the ground instead of lying beneath it.” That too is something we can be excited about today is a day to live life.
Another easy way to use enthusiasm to better our lives is to share it, and the simplest way to share it is through a smile, next time you “accidentally” make eye contact with someone while driving, or walking down the street, or in the grocery store, instead of looking away with embarrassment, flash them a quick smile, it will help you get happy, and it will more than likely get you a smile which means you just helped someone else become happy as well.
Give it a shot you have nothing to lose, infuse your life with some enthusiasm and see what happens.
Filed under Self Improvement and Mastery | Tags: contentment, enthusiasm, get happy now, happiness, happy life, love, peace, positive reinforcement, self improvement, smile | Comment (0)Physical Laws and Spiritual Laws
There’s a force all around us, it doesn’t matter if you believe in it or not, it’s there, and the reason I say that is because whether you believe in a divine creation guided by intelligence, or if you hold fast to the theory that all things just sort of happened there is one thing that is for certain, life as we know it had to start somewhere, and there was some matter somewhere that existed prior to the creation of life, and if that matter existed at that time, it would stand to reason that the matter would exist now. So there is a formless substance all around us, because everything physical that we see, came from some physical root. Wallace Wattles calls this the “thinking stuff” I like to call it Creative Matter. And it is the stuff from which all you desire comes from, it is the power of God throughout the world, it is by and through this that all things have been, are, and will be made. I’m going to speak for a minute to the believers of a divine intelligence.
Many religions believe that God is a God of laws, some people have interpreted those laws differently than others, but essentially most people who believe in the divine, believe that he has laws, now I am not talking about the laws that have been handed to us through a particular religion, even though my own religion believe in laws pertaining to righteousness, I am speaking of the spiritual laws that govern the universe, the laws that make sure you fingers stay attached to your hand, the laws that make sure your heart keeps beating, the laws that stop the heart beat of that very same heart when it is time to stop. Some of these laws have been discovered, and science has taken them as their own, when people talk of Physics, I just see God’s perfect laws functioning exactly as they should.
The laws that many obey in their chosen faith are what I like to call the lesser laws, these are laws that revolve around a specific physical action, and the Ten Commandments for example are some very physical laws. These are things that you do with your body or the body of others, the higher laws I am speaking about is the laws that you adhere to with your soul. They are what I call spiritual laws, and they are simple to define and difficult to master, but once you master the spiritual laws, the physical, or lesser laws cease to be relevant, because your spirit has gained mastery over your body, all the physical “temptations” that may have surrounded you are gone, not because they have ceased to exist, but because you are living in and coming from a higher place. Christ was tempted in “all things” yet he had spiritual mastery, and nothing could divert him from his higher purpose, in the bible we read the account of 3 temptations in which the devil is said to have appeared and tempted Christ in 3 things, and in all 3 christ won.
If we master the spiritual laws, we become captains of our souls, but to reach this level of higher awareness sometimes we have to start with the physical to clear out all the static and get tuned into our higher purpose.
There are other things we can do that move us into a higher spiritual plane, or a higher vibration if you will, and again none of these are rooted in any one religious belief, although at first glance they may look that way, the reason that it may seem “religious” to some is because many people confuse religion with spirituality, now you can be faithful to a particular religious belief (as I am) and still be spiritual, in the terms that I am using, spiritual means recognizing that you are not your body, you are the spirit that inhabits the body. For example if you look at what your physical body is made of, if you take it apart and put it all in piles, there is really nothing to differentiate you from say, a cow, or a chimpanzee. So what is it that makes you able to function in a place of higher intelligence, what is it that gives you the ability to speak, and to reason, and to act. We know it cannot be the brain that is different because we have found that the brain of many creatures in the animal kingdom is similar enough to ours, no, it isn’t the brain that puts our consciousness above that of the ape. It is our spirit, and when you can look at yourself and see that you are not your body, and you are not what you do, that you are not a “human being having a spiritual experience” but that you are indeed a “spiritual being having a human experience” just that slight change of words can make all the difference in your life.
Filed under Self Improvement and Mastery | Tags: contentment, happiness, inner peace, long term success, peace, self improvement, success | Comment (0)Inner Peace and How to Deal With Anger
Inner peace seems to be the goal of any individual and why wouldn’t it be, and when I say “inner peace” I’m not talking about some sort of crazy “live one the top of a mountain and exist on nothing but sunshine and rainbows” sort of thing. I’m simply talking about freeing yourself from that gnawing feeling that most of us carry around in the pit of our stomachs, that intense feeling of “something is wrong, but I don’t know what it is” that we all experience on a daily basis. Most of us will blame it on something external from ourselves; we blame this feeling on a general lack of money, or the inability to spend our time doing what we sincerely want to do. We may even resign ourselves to the fact that we will always have that feeling, and that is part of life and that we should just “suck it up” and go along with the status quo.
I have an interesting point to make on this particular topic, and that point is that any anxious feelings that you have right now are not coming from anything outside of you. Now what do I mean by this? Simply put you choose each second of each day how you will feel, you choose each time you are presented with a situation how you will respond to that situation. Here is the boldest message I have for you when you are sad, angry, hurt, nervous, or any one of a myriad of negative emotions it is because you have chosen that emotion as a response to a particular stimulus. Whenever I share this statement with people it always elicits the same response, “but how can I be happy when (insert negative situation) is happening in my life?” and I always say the same thing, “I never said you had to be happy about it, I just said you didn’t have to be sad/angry/hurt about it.”
I have had people get very angry with me for sharing my thoughts with them on this, especially those who are currently passing through some sort of crisis in life, and there are reasons for that, there’s a popular thought in society today that anger is a healthy thing, that if you don’t let your anger out you will one day explode. But it is in fact much different than that, anger is not a healthy thing, and letting your raw emotion fly as anger is not helpful nor will it ever be so, modern day psychology will disagree with me but the ancient teachings that have been around and proven to work over hundreds and even thousands of years tell us that anger is not good, for example Confucius taught, “when anger rises, think of the consequences” and in Paul’s Epistle to the Colossians we read, “But ye also put off these, anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy…” (Col 3:8). Now I’m not saying that it’s good to hold the anger inside, I am saying that the existence of anger in you is unnecessary that it is an energy that you willingly take on when you encounter a certain experience, you have the ability to always choose your response, the only reason it feels like you have no control is because you have chosen anger as a response so frequently that it is now a habit, but it is still your choice. The same goes for sadness, nervousness, frustration and any other responses that you currently feel are out of your control.
The good news is you can change that choice, and make a better one; it’s simple, but not always easy. The first thing you have to do is form the habit of asking yourself the following question before you respond to a situation that can potentially make you respond in a negative way. That question is, “Will responding in this way bring more peace to my life?” This step alone may change the way you do everything, because essentially you are doing as Confucius taught, you are thinking “of the consequences.”
The next thing you can do is channel that energy another way. I believe that there is no negative energy that exists that cannot be converted into positive energy. Some of our most beautiful works of music have come from the composer taking what could have been negative energy and channeling that energy into creation of something so sublime that centuries later it is revered as a masterpiece. The suggestion here is to do the same; even something as simple as writing a letter that you will never send can pull that energy in another direction, go running, lift weights, write a poem, write a song, do anything that uses energy in a positive way. The worst possible thing you can do is sit and fester on that negative emotion, as that can only breed more negativity. Go out and do something and you will see that you do not have to respond to a negative situation with a negative response.
And lastly when you feel that uncomfortable feeling rising in your stomach you can make it go away, by doing something. I’m not suggesting that you forget about your responsibilities, just that you approach them with a different response in mind, when things are hard, as they often are you can either make them harder by reacting in your preconditioned way, or you can make them easier by responding with action. There is nothing on this earth that you cannot achieve, nothing!
Happiness First, Then Success
There are millions of people out there with essentially the same thought process, and that thought is , “If I only had more money than I would be happy.” There is only one problem with this kind of thinking, and that is that thinking this way is complete and utter crap. All it shows is that these people don’t understand money, don’t get me wrong for me at least having more money makes it easier to not be stressed, but it does not bring the happiness, money just magnifies what is already inside you, so if you are looking to money to be the solution to all that ails you, well you will have a rude awakening in the future.
It’s easy to see where this common misconception started, you see a rich person, they have a sweet car, a big house and go to Hawaii every year, you think to yourself, “gosh, I’d like a nice car, an awesome house, and to go to Hawaii every year would be great! Those things would really make me happy.” So then you assume that this particular person in having what you perceive as wealth must be happy, when all too often that person is living paycheck to paycheck the way millions of people do, and they are just as desperate to create long term wealth as you are.
Also you can look around you at people who are rich and unhappy as proof that it’s not the money that brings happiness, money is not the magic bullet, but that said it is a necessity once you’ve taken care of your inside game. Because ultimately money is the medium through which you will be able to achieve the success you so longingly hope for, it’s hard to affect the positive changes that people want to without the aid of a good size bank account, so just remember that the money is to help you fulfill your major purpose in life, and nobody’s purpose is to sit around and live like a hog.
But back to the question of how to change what is inside you so that money can come to you, and when it does it will magnify the wonder and happiness that is already inside you, as opposed to the fear that most people carry around in their chest cavity like it’s some sort of fear storage, let me tell you that as you move forward you may feel an emptiness in that area, because the fear will be gone, and you may not know how to immediately fill that space with happiness, just know that having nothing there is much better than having a bunch of crap there making you crazy.
There is a science to happiness, you see most people look around themselves, see what is happening and then decide to be happy or sad based on what they see. If they see war, and poverty and death they will likely choose sadness, if they see joy and happiness around them then the obvious choice is happiness. The only problem with this is that it is backwards! You can’t look around you and then determine whether or not you will be happy, all you do when you do that is hand your free will to someone else, just like deciding to be rich before you become rich you must decide to be happy before you can really become so.
Filed under Uncategorized | Tags: contentment, happiness, inner peace, long term success, peace, self improvement, success | Comment (0)